Hooraahhh!!!

It just hit me that the new year began.

So to celebrate I grew a red mullet, a bokbaard (that’s a goatie) attachment (am keeping that natural) and now wear black lipstick and black nail polish to compliment my thick, dark and frown-furled eyebrows. And I now plat the hairs on my lower back and keep them waxed upward to look like a Doberman’s stump-tail. And I strut around the backyard on all fours with ears clipped on alert mode, in my dirty pale blue boxer shorts replete with smelly sweaty hairy armpits snarling, pacing… pacing… for there is much to do – gotta do this gotta do that. Gotta feed the finches damn! Darn the poor finches haven’t had their birdseed for AT LEAST THREE DAYS! Woof!!! I’m now the neighbourhood’s local Worry Consultant. Bail a wayward tenant out here, console a concierge there… two Sunday nights ago a weirdo arrived at my doorstep and asked me to give him a blowjob. I kid you not. I thought I’d moved into SWPL country, well I have but see there are infiltrators… damn. Gotta keep the trash at bay and look forwards ahead to the tunnel-end. I see some of my old mates picked up weird company along the way whilst I was gone all these years… hmm…

Voorwaards! Avante!! (huh?) Woof.

The birds are circling so that means there’s gonna be rain this afternoon and I ain’t walking to the mall so the poor finches will just have to wait, go on a temporary bird diet of whatever. Nibble on cardboard guys? Shame. Tough. Meantime my kennel’s piling up with junk and stuff and soon the cardboard boxes and newspapers is gonna throw me outta my bed darn! And the paper mache flour? That stuff sticks like crazy. Yeah, goodie…!

Dash it. I just don’t know where to start. Ah! Coffee… it’s finished and klaar (dog biscuits? - oh hell me no go walkies to mall today). So I guess it’ll just have to be Five Roses Earl Grey Cat’s Piss for the next twenty fours hours… aargh yuck gross man!

Update: so I went walkies to the mall but didn’t bother about the birdseed, so they can eat Sasko’s Low GI Oats and Honey flavour white loaf bread. Else go on diet.